When I was first considering the practice of meditation, I was highly skeptical. Back then, I questioned how much it could truly do for me, and I shook my head vigorously at the notion of meditating for more than 10 or 15 minutes. I was sure that I did not have the attention or fortitude to do it. And I was sure I would not WANT to do it.
Well, I came around. I remembered how much I enjoyed the ability to focus on whatever I was doing or thinking, and I realized that the downtime was something I really cherished. I got in the habit of doing a 30-minute meditation after working out, which was a great routine for me. I attended a Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) course and enjoyed the group meditations, and I even participated in a 1-day silent meditation.
So why do I seem hesitant to restart my practice?
Here I am with no solid employment, with all the time in the world (well that’s not really accurate but I certainly have more time than most people), and it feels daunting to find 30 minutes in the day. Part of this relates to the human nature of creating new habits — even re-creating a familiar habit after an absence is tough. Part of it is the fear that without the burden of 14-hour days, it won’t feel like the haven it once did. I also tend to over think it, and start creating schedules of different meditations, how/where I will do it, etc.
But I need to stop planning and striving. That only sets me up for missing something in that schedule.
All I know is that the time is now… I must restart this. I must keep moving along this path of calm, quiet energy.